The flight from Europe to Australia is a long one.. usually broken into a long leg of around 12 hours, a few hours in Asia or the Middle East, then another leg of 8 to 10 hours. The Asian airports are surreal. extremely interesting, yet so so boring. It is in Singapore that the reality of what I am doing hits home to me, whether I'm going away, or coming home. There is a moment when, after 20 months of hearing other languages in public places, somebody screams at their kid in Aussie, and the accent sounds bizarre, and you realise that you speak like that too, and you cringe inside.
Then, on the way back, the same thing happens in reverse. Somebody says something inane or ignorant in Italian or Spanish (usually Italian) and you cringe again, and you ask yourself where you belong... then you chide yourself for being such a wanker.
This is one aspect of travel that I love. I always do this trip alone. When you are high above the rest of the world, for such a long period of time you are alone with your semi-delirious thoughts. No-one expects you to answer your phone, your emails, or smell nice. How can they when you are so helplessly high. You are in limbo, in no particular place at all. What laws apply up there? -All of them, it would seem, if you listen to the QANTAS staff, but it seems kind of hard to believe doesn't it?
I am sometimes reserved, but mostly social and friendly in person. But on an international flight I don't want to speak to anyone really, because I don't want to break that no-expectations moment. It's a moment where being in-between is literal and right. So let's not talk about where I'm at when standing on the earth. I'll face that again when I touch down.
Now that I'm back I've had a big look at it. I'm waiting for responses from some masters programs. They might not accept me. One has already knocked me right back.
When S. got home, we spent a day wrapping ourselves up in huge sigh of relief. Then he started twitching, because I imagine the Buenos Aires/Valladolid transition was like someone interrupting the drum solo in Led Zeppelin's Moby Dick with Enya. I felt like I was the one who had changed the cd.
I spent a few days not knowing quite what to do with myself either. Then we left for Barcelona, now we(I) are(am) in love with the idea of living there. But I just feel like I'm waiting....
My horoscope says this:
You feel temporarily blocked now. Resistance and challenges from others or from outside situations suggest this is not a good time to try to force your will and desires onto the world, as friction is the only likely result.
So I'll keep waiting...